More often than I’d like to admit, I’m known to spend a bit of time on the dreamier side of life. Usually it’s because I’m stuck on a philosophical pickle like who would win a boxing match between 1970 Neil DeGrasse Tyson and a 2014 Mike Tyson or lost in a magical day dream involving dancing the perfect robot and catching the eye of recently divorced and extremely vulnerable Channing Tatum who is in need of a giant bear hug, which, by the way, I’m great at giving.
I usually come to from my daydream realizing I can’t remember the last mile that I drove or what just happened on ‘The New Girl’ (I would have paid closer attention if it was last season, but it’s really gone downhill this year. One word: Prince). Anyways, yes I can lose track easily. Case and point: Mike and I planned an entire vacation around a David Gray/Ray Lamontagne concert I desperately wanted to see at Red Rocks back in 2010. We bought the tickets months in advance and halfway through our vacation, I realized those very tickets, the reason we were out west to begin with, were left on our kitchen counter back home in Charlotte. Because of this and many other teeny-tiny misadventures, Mike can be leery of my planning and organizational skills, but date night was about to make things right with the world!
Me: Guess what?!
Him: What. (unenthusiasticly)
Me: We’re going to (pause for dramatic build-up, jazz hands commence) WICKED!
Him: What is Wicked? (mocking my jazz hands with his own asshole version of jazz hands)
Me: GASP! (then in a sing songy voice) A BROADWAAAAAAY MUUUUUSICAL!
Him: Who are you?
Me: (losing my enthusiasm) Your girlfriend. We’re going on a date, a date to (sing songy again as I tend to overdo it) BROADWAAAAAY!
Me: I can give you 525,000 reasons why you’ll love it!
Him: No thanks.
Me: That was a broadway joke.
Him: (silence with a hint of exasperation)
There were big plans for the evening of Mike’s very first Broadway Musical! He was ready for me to fail in my planning, but reservations were made, tickets in hand, gussied up right on time and out the door 5 minutes early! Even I couldn’t believe how smooth everything was going. Is this what life is like when things are planned properly? Finally, I had discovered the secret!
Him: You’re sure you have the tickets?
Me: YES! I’m sure. I’ve got this, Michael! (‘Michael’ is always used when I’m being motherly or like in this case, stern)
Him: You’re sure it’s tonight?
Me: Ye of little faith.
Him: You’re sure it’s at 7:30?
Me: Your checklist done yet b-hole?
Him: It probably shouldn’t be
We go to our favorite little Italian restaurant in downtown Charlotte. We eat until our bellies are ready to burst. We drink red wine until we’re giggling about nothing and our purple lips tell the world we’ve overdone it. Even with an abundance of cabernet swirling around my head, I’ve got this! We leave the restaurant at 7pm for our short walk to the theater so that we’ll have some time to spare for the restroom and to find our seats. We get to the door at 7:10pm. I hand Mike his ticket as I proudly hand mine to the white-haired gentleman in the ticket booth. The elderly man looks at me with a hint of a smile and I think for a brief moment that this all-knowing grandfather is somehow proud of the new and responsible me too when he leans in and says, “Miss, you’re at the wrong theater. This show is playing on the other side of town”.